one two three fourrrrnication!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
