my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
