let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
