Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
