Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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