I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize