we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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