I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he thought i was a dude.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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