tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
