You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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