So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
