I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
