wat bout pragnant strippers??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
