If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I could make wine with my vomit
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
