Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you traded sex for a burrito?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
