Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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