I just made out with a guy for $7.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
