Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
