apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
