Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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