Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i came on her dog
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize