I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
