I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
