Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
