I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
