i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The power of my boobs compel you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
