You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
