we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
