I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
