she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
