And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
