if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
