she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
