it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
