How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
