dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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