i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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