i permit you to call me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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