I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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