first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
