Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
