I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
