Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
