bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
