on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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