i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
