Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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