Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
