i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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