im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
