i don't like sucking hair
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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