I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
