dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this boner is exhausting
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
