..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
