Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
