i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
