Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
