Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
