I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Life is so much better after having sex.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
