Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
