I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
