We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
