I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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