He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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