Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
