Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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