I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
