I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
