Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

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(314): View more from Missouri

totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.

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(907): View more from Alaska

We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila

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(225): View more from Louisiana

My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome

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(817): View more from Texas

I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.

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(949): View more from California

He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.

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(407): View more from Florida

Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom

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